I want to become a better listener. Today I was reminded that listening well is an incredibly powerful and meaningful discipline. This afternoon, as I began to make my never-ending reading list for the weekend, my mom called. Not too long before this I had given her an update on my week. But she called back a few minutes later, asking me to tell her more about my US History course. She could tell that I was a bit worried.
Okay, worried is an understatement. I typically consider myself a strong woman. I usually feel grounded in who I am, and who God created me to me. But this class messes me up. I sit there in our discussions and wonder who the heck let me into grad school (and what the freak is a "meta-narrative"??) I can physically feel the fear creeping in on me. This ridiculous urge to prove myself to my classmates and professors paralyzes me.
Yeah. Grad school is crazy. But God is good in helping me deal with all these issues and see where my real value lies. And that's a whole 'nother blog post and not the point of this story.
I'm talking about listening. And that's what my mom did. She asked for me to explain more why I felt this way. I did. She said she'd be praying for me. It was as simple as that.
But if it's so easy, why do we have such a hard time doing it? Henri Nouwen in Compassion lays the smack down on my soul, once again:
"Paying attention to our fellow human beings is far from easy. We tend to be so insecure about our self-worth and so much in need of affirmation that it is very hard not to ask for attention ourselves. Before we are fully aware of it, we are speaking about ourselves, referring to our own experiences, telling our stories, or turning the subject of conversation toward our own territory." (81)
Dude, if you don't act this way around people, let's talk. I want you to disciple me! Because this process of "self-emptying" is so counterintuitive, so radically opposed to my current behavior. It must be from Jesus.
And the benefits of listening, of this "moving away from the center of attention and inviting others into that space" are immense. As Nouwen writes,
"From experience we know how healing such an invitation can be. When someone listens to us with real concentration and expresses sincere care for our struggles and our pains, we feel that something very deep is happening to us. Slowly, fears melt away, tensions dissolve, anxieties retreat, and we discover that we carry within us something we can trust and offer as a gift to others. The simple experience of being valuable and important to someone else has tremendous recreative power." (81)
This self-emptying is not about shaming or mistreating ourselves - rather its about recognizing and helping others to recognize the innate value within THEM.
Wow. It's really not all about me.
4 comments:
Hey Caroline, Nice blog! You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. I think all grad students feel similarly. Or, if they don't, they may just be a jackass. And which is worse?
hey caroline!
take care friend, you can get through it.
And as a Christian we might have a unique perspective on the kind of meta-narratives or great stories that run our life.
i think the term itself might first have been coined by leotard. you could try reading him if your really interested or want my bg knowledge.
its awesome your choosing to listen more! something God constantly calls us to work on.
i look forward to more posts! and i hope grad school goes well for you!
Thanks guys! I appreciate the encouragement.
Don't worry, my feelings towards grad school are probably not as dramatic as I make them seem in my writing - at least not consistently this dramatic :)
PS You two, Tim and Pat, should meet. Pat's studying early Christianity at UCLA, while Tim is considering religious studies programs and definitely needs to get to grad school before his head explodes from all his percolating intellectual thoughts :)
consider yourself blogged, baby.
I say give it more time, as you get used to this whole new class thing, but not too much time, because if you're nervous about talking because of intimidation, etc, maybe just jumping in and putting yourself out there could really help, so you don't build it up too much. You're an intelligent, thoughtful woman who doesn't need to prove yourself to others. The most important thing is that you're there to learn. There's nothing wrong with absorbing information in your own way.
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