So this past Sunday I decided I needed to do something about my unhealthy relationship with facebook. That's right. I'll admit it. I'm addicted. Therefore, I have resolved to only check my account on a weekly basis until Easter (I got a little head start on Lent.)
My break from facebook has given me time to reflect - well, "forced me to reflect" may be more honest. When I can't distract myself by checking my friends' statuses, learning how many mutual friends I have with a classmate, or investigating the love interest of a confidante - I am left with just myself. Not some imaginary social network I can just tap into when I am alone and too lazy to actually engage with real people. And when I am left alone - without wall posts to answer, friend requests to confirm, events to respond to - I can see more clearly the empty places in my life. I can see that I'm probably more lonely than I thought.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not a hermit here at UCLA. I have been blessed by close friends who know me well and love me regardless; likewise I am often meeting new and interesting people on this big university campus; I even find myself striking up random conversations in coffee shops, the library, the grocery store. So it's not necessarily that I have a shortage of human beings in my life.
I guess it's a different kind of lonely. A different kind of longing. I desire deeper intimacy and communion with people. I long for the challenge, the support, the constancy of sharing life with others on a day-to-day basis. I am eager for the companionship and partnership that comes when we commit our lives to the same goal. I want more.
My mom thinks I'm "ready for a life partner."
Who knows? Well, God does I guess. So that helps. G.K. Chesterton said that following Jesus is like being homesick at home. We are ever-yearning for something greater, something deeper, something more intimate. Will I experience only a taste of that in this life?
The funny thing is this all came about because I'm no longer on facebook. And by funny I mean embarrassing. Who knew that a “social networking site” could have such power over me? That's really pretty silly.
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5 comments:
Caroline I like your blog! Facebook is strange. I resisted getting involved for a long time, but eventually did because I felt like my "real" relationships were lacking the quirky facebook element. But now that I'm on Facebook a lot, there's a temptation to neglect real relationships for the convenience of online relationships. Whew...what are we supposed to do?! Anyway, your plan sounds great. I think online networking is at its best when it reinforces real relationships.
Thanks for the comment love Caroline! :) I like your thoughts. I've been reflecting some about community these days. There's definitely a greater sense of "being-with" people these days, but a conspicuous lack of community. What I mean by that is that people get lonely if they spend 5 minutes without looking at someone's wall or IMing, but there isn't a sense of sharing life together. It seems like it's harder to find in "the real world," and that's one of the reasons I joined SP, I must admit! Have you read Bonhoeffer's "Life Together?" It's a short and powerful read on community!
P.S. Oh, as shallow as it sounds, I do enjoy having a blogging community of sorts. I like reading/commenting on people's thoughts. :)
Thanks for the encouragement guys :) And I've been meaning to read that Bonhoeffer book, Jessica... I'll move it further up my list!
Caroline! I didn't know you had a bloggy blog! Silly me...silly you...we're all just silly. I feel the same way some times, and I think what you are feeling is totally normal, especially during this transition period of our lives. You're brave for stopping the fb-ing. I don't know how well I'd be able to do that...which is so pathetic and embarrassing to admit. wah wah. Anyway, I love and miss you and I too cannot wait until we can talk and engage in conversation on a much more personal/non facebook/blog level. xoxo!
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